Monday, October 21, 2013

The grand gesture guy

I've talked for quite a while about summarizing all the 'boytalk with the girls' in blog posts. Here we go (cue nervous laughter) ...

Aww. Aren't they adorable? I don't know them. 
He's the one who waits outside your apartment, flowers in hand and confessions on his tongue. The one who drives for hours to apologize for half-assed compliments and general assholery. To tell you that you he wants you and he misses you and he thinks that maybe it means he needs you. He's the guy who leaves his girl to chase you down and put a ring on your finger. The guy who told you he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and moved mountains to make it happen.

Maybe I'm jaded — divorced and full of cynicism and doubt. Losing my romanticism. I just can't keep believing this dude exists.

Stories require girly drinks.
It's not a story I've heard yet, and I've heard so many stories in the past year. If the universe does deliver what we need to get by then I, apparently, have needed the companionship of lots of divorced or recently single-lized women. Again and again, I hear the same thing — to the point that we've named it: The Grand Gesture.

One big play that makes everything right. Like we're all little girls wanting to be Cinderella, ready to swoon for the boy with the glass slippers and more importantly, the gumption to bring them to us.

"But here's the thing," said one of these recently single-lized women. "We're pining away after the wrong guy from the very start. What we really need is a guy who can want us confidently, because that guy never needs to come up with a grand gesture."

"Want me confidently," she said. I nodded. She is right.

We can dream naively that meeting the right girl — this would be you, naturally —  can make even the most spineless manchild step up to the plate. After all, isn't that what true love is all about, two souls who can't be kept apart, not for self-doubt or misguided egos or any unfortunate personality flaw? Isn't true love supposed to be a great equalizer?

This is where I have doubts. What right do we have to expect anyone to behave in a manner so beyond their personality? Ladies, we've watched too many romantic comedies.

What we should focus on is knowing what we want in a partner and seeing the men in our lives for exactly who they are. Let's not hold expectations of grand gestures from men who can't rally the confidence in the first place, skip the pining, bitch and moan to our girlfriends about the loss and the lack of greatness and start over again, keeping ourselves open to finding the man who can want us confidently.

Forget about grand gesture guy. He'll never rally.

Maybe we should all just get dogs.

1 comment:

  1. I do have empathy what you are saying, Karen. There is no such thing as a “perfect relationship” or the existence of a Prince Charming or Princess Cinderella. I have been with my spouse since 1979; we dated for three years prior to getting married. Together, we preserved as a couple coping with major illnesses, job loss, economic shortcomings and hostile in-laws. Yet, we survived as a couple. It’s a matter of mutually understanding one another and equally “giving and taking” along with compromising on divided issues that make a relationship work. In my profession and in the political realm here in Ulster County,NY--I cross the path of hundreds of individuals. Many are divorced, single men and women, experiencing similar thoughts on relationships in general. My advice is live life to the fullest; take chances and take life “one day at a time”.